The HARU Quiz

Harro HARU...! How Asian R U, exactly? It's a question we, theCoderBros, often ask our guests on our weekly Asian American ex-yuppy/yappie podcast, theCoderBros Go to White Castle. So if you've always wondered how Asian you really are, take our 5-10 minute quiz to find out.

And remember, Asian as you may be, it's not about acing the test - be sure to answer honestly! 加油!

Next question...

You just figured out a solution to a complex issue at work, and one of your co-workers says to you “Wow, you're so good at this!” How do you respond?

Yep, I'm awesome.

Thanks!

Thanks, but you guys helped me figure it out!

No, no, I'm not good, just lucky.

Ahso... The humble, humble Asian. An Asian probably can't take a compliment any more than they give one because hey, that would mean showing emotion, wouldn't it? Next question...

You're at a night market in Thailand and see a trinket you gotta have, probably worth $20 in the US. Vendor says for you, special customer, only 300 Baht (about $9). How do you respond?

I'll take it!

How about 250 Baht?

How about 150 Baht?

Walk away, saying AIYA really loud.

Asians love to negotiate. If you've ever been to a night market with your grandma, you'll know what we mean. With the walkaway-aiya move, “No Can Defense”. Next question...

What do you eat after dinner?

Cold dessert like ice cream

Other sweet dessert like cake

No dessert

Fresh fruit everyday

Yeet Hay, or “hot air”, foods are said to cause an imbalance in your body. Many fresh fruits give you that balance back, but ice cream doesn't. Why is ice cream considered hot air? You'll need to ask your grandma, makes no sense in America. Next question...

You just rolled into an international food court after a long day traveling in Asia, and you only have enough $ to eat at one place. Which one?

In-N-Out Burger

Random noodle shop

Durian Store

Chicken Feet and Stinky Tofu

Yeah we love In-N-Out too, but if you're traveling in Asia, why would you get a burger?!? And yep, there is such a thing as a durian store. Next question...

How often do you use your dishwasher?

Run it every day

Every few days, to be efficient

Only as a drying rack

Never, it's used for storage

Asians can't trust the dishwasher and actually “like” doing their own dishes. Another great unsolved mystery of Asian culture. Next question...

Your friend invites you out to a big dinner with both families. Who pays?

We split the bill so it's even

I try to pay, but give up after a few tries

I wrestle them to the ground until they let me pay

I already paid before even stepping foot in the restaurant

Who among us has not tried the old “I need to pee” trick, where you excuse yourself to go to the bathroom only to pay the bill first? Genius. Next question...

How old do you look?

I look like my actual age.

A little younger than I am.

10+ years younger than I am.

10 years older than I am. And fatter than I should be.

You know what they say – Asian don't raisin. Next question...

At a buffet, you...

I don't go to buffets

Stop when you're full so you don't get sick

Eat until you're sick to get your money's worth

Sneak food out in containers you brought

Needing to hit the bathroom shortly after a buffet is included in the price. Next question...

When you were a kid, what did you spend the most time doing? Sure, you did a lot, we're looking for the one thing you spent the most time on.

Playing with neighborhood friends

Sports

Homework / studying

Violin or Piano Practice

Remember the days when you would just run around the neighborhood playing in some random yard and Mom would yell “dinner time!” out the porch door, and not even know where you were? We don't either. Next question...

You're eating out for Lunar New Year at an Asian restaurant of some kind. What do you order for yourself to drink?

Beer/wine

Soda

Water with no ice

Hot Water/Hot Tea

What is it with the Asians and their hot drinks? Some say that harkens back to a time when water needed to be boiled to be safe, and now it's psychologically stuck in the mind of every Asian. In the genes too, it sounds like. Next question...

What do your guests wear on their feet in your house when you have them over for a dinner party?

Slippers you give them

Their own socks (shoes off)

Outside shoes

Don't forget to collect all the disposable slippers you can get your hands on from all the hotels and airlines. Next question...

How often do you go back to your ancestral native country?

I live in my native country, I'm American. Dammit.

Not too often, but I was there a few years ago

About once a year

More than once a year

Culture fades fast when you don't take the family back to the homeland. Otherwise you might get too – gasp! - American! Next question...

How many times did you eat white rice (not fried rice!) with a meal this week?

0

1-3

4-7

8+

Bonus points if you have two rice cookers – one for everyday use, and one for big parties. Next question...

Stand with your feet shoulder width apart. Now, without holding onto anything, squat down as far as you can go without falling over backwards. How far can you go?

Thighs are parallel

Lower than parallel, but hard to hold the position

Butt is dam near on the ground. What are chairs for, anyway?

It is rumored that Asians evolved with the ability to super-squat because chairs were too expensive in the Shang Dynasty. It may also be why Asians are so cheap. Next question...

Not counting old age glasses, how are your eyes?

Never needed glasses

I got LASIK

I wear contacts

I wear thick-ass glasses

Did you know that up to 90% of young adults in East Asia are nearsighted? No wonder every other retail shop in Hong Kong is an eyeglass store. Next question...

What race are your good friends? Think of a “good friend” as someone who you'd invite over for dinner.

All Asians, with a token white person or two

Mostly Asian, some non-Asian

Random mix of races

Mostly non-Asian

It's funny how we psychologically want/need to hang out with people that are just like us. It's also funny how if you lived in Asia, you're probably more likely to hang out with Americans – even white ones. Next question...

Can you eat saucy, drippy chicken wings with chopsticks only, clean to the bone, and never get either of your hands dirty?

No chance

Gimme about 30 minutes per wing

No problem

I can use chopsticks with both hands at the same time

Do you hold your top chopstick like a pencil? Or do your chopsticks cross, like a white person?! Next question...

Your family just polished off a Panda Express family meal at the mall, and have 10 leftover napkins. What do you do with the napkins?

Toss them in the garbage/compost

Leave them on the table for someone else to use

Take them to add to your 4-inch stack at home (or car!)

How long can you go without ever buying napkins for home? Next question...

How many pairs of disposable chopsticks (used or unused) are in your kitchen drawer(s) right now?

None

1-5

5-30

100+

Can an Asian really throw away two good pieces of wood, even if there's food and spit all over them? Not if they can be washed and reused. Next question...

How well do you speak your ancestral Asian language?

Don't even know how to say “Where's the bathroom”

Elementary school at best

Full conversation with my grandma with a bit of an accent

Can go back to my home country and blend right in

You know you hated it when your parents made you take Saturday language school. But now you totally regret not learning more, right? Next question...

How often do you hug your kids or tell them I love you?

Never, they just know I love them

Daily

On special occasions like birthdays

There's Asians who can't say I love you to anyone, then there's all the white high school girls who say “Love you!” to every classmate. Who's to say how much lovin' is right? Thanks for taking the HARU quiz!

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